


Another Way of Putting It

by Amateur_Warden



Series: Another Way of Putting It [2]
Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-09 18:34:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19481656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amateur_Warden/pseuds/Amateur_Warden
Summary: Zack Lives AU. Cloud... does not. This is how Zack moves on after leaving Cloud on that clifftop.Not sure how this will go, except that I wanna show how Zack would react to things differently than Cloud.





	1. To Midgar

**Author's Note:**

> First three chapters were originally posted on ff.net in 2012-2014 so I'm sorry for my lack of writing prowess! And also for the most recent chapter I just wrote, which also lacks writing prowess! I hope you enjoy anyway.

Now, the pain was making him forget everything else.

His ragged breathing, his heart thundering in his chest, and the scraping of his massive sword behind him were the only things he could hear anymore. And it hurt, everywhere. He thought he had it bad before, but this took the cake. His hands trembled as he gripped his sword's hilt, dragging it along. He found he couldn't carry it on his back anymore. It pained him to let it fall, but he didn't give it a second thought when he felt every thread of his existence burning with exhaustion and pain.

He strained his neck with a generous amount of effort, and looked to see how far he had traveled, how much farther he had to go until he could stop and rest for a moment. The trademark black clouds of smog, as well as the large radius of bare and ruined landscape could be seen even from where he was standing. He still had a ways to go, it seemed. Then again, his judge of distance--of anything, for that matter--was severely impaired at the moment. The pain and the exhaustion were making it exceedingly difficult to concentrate on getting to Midgar.

Cloud… He was the only thing keeping Zack moving now. It’s funny how an intangible idea could motivate one so… Cloud didn’t exist anymore. He had been shot full of holes, and then he disappeared into the lifestream. He was gone.

And all Zack seemed to remember about him were the horrible parts. The parts where he was lying on the ground in a pool of his own blood, whimpering and crying in pain. Where he was begging to stay alive, afraid of dying. All Zack could remember was how hopeless the situation was. There was no possible way he could change anything that had happened. He was only one man, and Shinra had accounted for every conceivable factor that could lead to Zack’s success. It was hopeless. Cruel. Despicable.

It was all he could think about amidst the absurd amount of pain he was in.

How the hell was he still alive? How many times had he been shot, fifty? Something like that. Well, probably not—that was a little too absurd. But it was still absurd. What’s that kind of cheese with a bunch of holes in it? Swiss cheese? He probably looked like that from a viewer’s standpoint. But then again, if there were any viewers, they would be virtuous to help him out, considering how he could barely stand. Was he even standing? It felt like he was crawling most of the time. He must have decided somewhere along the line that it would be a much better idea to crawl, because he was now on his face, in the dirt.

He didn’t even moan. He was beyond that kind of exertion. So much for making it to Midgar, easily. Who was he kidding? If a monster came along, he was dead. So far, he had been lucky. Relatively. But if a monster came out of the rocks and weeds, and attacked him for some reason, he was dead. A Cactuar, even. He wouldn’t even be able to survive a freaking Cactuar attack. The little spined thing would beat him to death and leave him to bake in the sun. He felt the dirt sting his face the longer he lay there, wondering if he should even get up. He still had no plan. Well, no specific plan. He wanted to blow up the Shinra headquarters, but he had no idea how he would do it. Especially when he could barely move. That usually made it hard to blow up things.

The army had it easy. They could all move just fine before he cut them all in half. They could throw grenades and blow shit up easily. Zack couldn’t do that anymore. He stopped mid-thought, and laughed. It was a weak and incredibly painful laugh, but he needed it at the moment. The army couldn’t do that anymore, either. Because he cut them in half. He struggled to push himself back up, his arms shaking. It would be even more amusing when Shinra fell victim to the wrath of a supposedly dead man. You know, considering he had been marked as killed in action five years ago. That kind of dead.

He didn’t remember reaching the city. He remembered going through the movements of walking, but only vaguely. His exhaustion and pain had put him into an almost robotic state, where all he could think was, “move”. But apparently he had finally made it. It was hard to believe, but he got over that thought quickly.

The first thing he noticed was the smell. It was the smell of a completely dead city—nothing grew there, ever. He smelled cars and factories, and most of all he smelled the reactors, churning away and contributing to the gigantic black cloud of smog that hung over the city. A faint memory of his early days resurfaced in his brain, and he remembered the first time he had come to the city, to join SOLDIER. He had to breathe through the top of his sweater to keep from gagging constantly, before he finally got used to it. Now, he would have to get used to it once again. The next thing he noticed was the thick, polluted air that was murder to his lungs. If he thought it had been hard to breathe before, it was almost impossible now.

The next thing he noticed was the noise. It was… overpowering. Like the planet itself was just yelling at him to lie down and die. But he couldn’t. Not until Shinra fell. Even though it would be so much easier to just lie down and sleep through his last few breaths. Even though he could see Cloud again if he did. He had to live, just for a little while longer.

His thoughts were too slow. He only vaguely registered the train whistle, but it made him pry his eyes up from the ground. People were scurrying around him like he wasn’t even there. Good for him. Shinra wouldn’t find him if people weren’t looking. He looked around with some difficulty, and recognized the Sector 7 train station. Sector 7. It was relatively close to Sector 5. Aerith lived there. Maybe she would help him…?

If she really did still live there. If she would forgive him for abandoning her for five years. For loving someone else. He still liked her, but was it the same as…? He shook his head to clear it. He didn’t wanna think about it right now. His head was pounding, and someone was talking in his ear and it was annoying.

“Hello? Are you okay?”

It was a woman’s voice. He couldn’t see her though, because he was on his knees, holding himself up with his sword. Looking at the ground. The ground seemed more and more inviting the longer he looked at it.

“You look hurt… Do you need to go to the hospital?” She sounded concerned.

Then it finally clicked in his mind that someone was talking to him. That wasn’t very good, since he was trying to stay hidden from Shinra. He raised his head, ready to face whoever it might be.

She had rich brown eyes, that almost looked red for a moment. And dark brown hair. He might have noticed those first because she was leaning over to speak to him. He blinked at the lights overhead, and then noticed the huge things that were rather close to his head. Were those… her boobs?

He stared for a few seconds, blinking. Seriously? There’s no way that boobs could be so… Well, he supposed they could. There was this girl he met in Nibelheim who had a really nice rack, and she was only fifteen. He was getting delirious. He needed to sleep, or something. But lying here on the ground wasn’t a good idea, he had to remind himself. But wait, wasn’t this girl trying to help him? Wait, she had said “hospital”, right? Nope. Can’t go there.

“Wh-Why not? You look… horrible.” Her voice shook as she looked him over. Had he said that out loud? “Are those… gunshot wounds? All of those?” She put a hand on his shoulder. “I really think you should get help. Here, let me help you.” She put her hand around his waist to help him up.

Hadn’t she heard him? He couldn’t go to the stupid hospital…! He shoved her off with amazing strength—compared to someone who was almost dead, that is. She had to understand him before she did anything stupid. “I can’t go to the hospital…” He found that he was sitting, now. He had fallen over on his rear when he shoved her. He had probably done himself more damage to himself than her. She just knelt there, frowning.

“Why? You need help—“

“They’ll find me… I can’t… go back there…”

He suddenly realized that he wasn’t afraid to die. He just didn’t want Shinra to win. And if they found him, they wouldn’t kill him. They would keep him alive, maybe give him back to Hojo. He’d never be given the chance to escape again.

But he was so weak… He didn’t even think he could pull himself up onto his feet anymore. He’d have to crawl. And how obvious would that look, him being a SOLDIER and all? How many wounded SOLDIER were outside, avoiding Shinra at all costs? He didn’t know what to do anymore. He was stupid to think he could make it.

“Okay, uh… Let me get my friends, okay? They’ll help me take you home, to my place. It’s nowhere near the hospital, promise.” She seemed to be calming down. Shy did she care so much? No one else did… “I’ll be right back, okay?” She got up and ran off, almost faster than he could register it in his mind.  
Was she going to help him? He didn’t know. He didn’t think he had the mental capacity to care, either. If she was going to help, then great. If she wasn’t, then oh well. He had literally done everything he could. He had already given it his all. He didn’t have anything left. So there really wasn’t anything else he could do than just lie down and sleep for now. So he did.

########

  
Tifa Lockhart was really glad she had such dependable friends. They actually helped her carry this guy all the way back to the bar, and didn’t ask many questions. Though it was a little surprising, since they were carrying a rather messed up SOLDIER, which just looked like trouble in so many ways. Where did he come from, and how did he get so messed up? And what was a SOLDIER doing out all alone, with no Shinra comrades to help him? It was all too shady for her taste, and surely for the others as well.

But there was something about him, something familiar. Oh, who was she kidding? He was a spitting image of that guy she met back in Nibelheim. At least she thought so… She’d never forget his hair, or his eyes. She frowned at having forgotten his name, though. She stared at him as he lay on her couch, while her friends went out to find a doctor—some shady underground doctor that wouldn’t leave any information behind for Shinra to find. It was all she could offer, and hopefully it would at least keep him alive for a while longer.

She sat there, conflicted. She had grown to hate Shinra, for various reasons. And that included the SOLDIER who worked for Shinra. Living in Midgar had shown her just how many awful things the company let happen all the time. A great company like Shinra was supposed to protect its citizens, and help them to lead better lives. But all it did was con people into poverty, and use their forces to oppress those who would try to climb higher in life. And that man she had met, he was a SOLDIER. He was one of them. He had let her home burn to the ground, and let everyone in the village die.

But she couldn’t help thinking that it wasn’t all his fault, and that he was a good person. He seemed like it, back then. He’d gone to fight Sephiroth, right? He wanted to stop the madman from doing any more damage. He was trying to protect her. She frowned as she thought back, trying to remember every little detail—the complete opposite of what she had been doing for the last five years.

What had happened next?

She remembered waking up in the Midgar hospital, all alone, but nothing before that. She’d heard later that Sephiroth had been killed, along with that man. Maybe they’d killed each other. But then again, Shinra wasn’t always reliable in their publishing of accurate information. That would explain this man’s sudden appearance in Midgar. What if Shinra fired him, for some reason? Could SOLDIER even be fired conventionally, or were they just killed off? Suddenly her hypothesis was starting to make sense. She didn’t have any more time to think about it though, before the door swung open to the bar, and in came Biggs.

The man breathed heavily as he held open the door for the other two that came through. There was a woman wearing a red band tied around her forehead, and a man with black hair and glasses. He looked considerably more cheerful than the others.

Biggs spoke first. “This guy is all we could find. He promises not to tell anyone, and he doesn’t use paperwork.” He frowned, as if he still weren’t satisfied.

“Well, if he does end up causing trouble, we could easily get rid of him.” The woman smirked, looking all too serious to any observers. The spectacled man brushed it off lightly.

“You won’t have to worry about anything from me, promise! Now, where’s the patient?” He smiled gleefully. Whoever this was, he was definitely shady. Tifa could only hope he was good at his job. He carried a small work box, so she assumed he at least had the tools for the job.

Biggs motioned inside the back room where she sat next to the SOLDIER. The shady doctor came in and leaned over the man on the couch. “This isn’t the best of positions to be operating in… but I suppose it’s all we have. Could I get a chair?” He looked expectantly at Tifa, not at all hiding his desire for her to move.

Tifa frowned. “A-Ah, yes… Do you need anything else?” She stood and got out of the way. She thought it best to keep him happy.

The doctor waved her off. “Just space is all. I won’t lie; this guy is in horrible shape. And this is the first time I’ve worked on a living being, so I don’t know if he’ll still be living when I’m done!” He laughed. Tifa clenched her jaw together. She moved to the doorway and went to get a chair. Biggs and Jessie were at the bar, trying their best to ignore the situation. Tifa grabbed a chair from one of the tables, and brought it to the doctor. He was already pulling out tools and setting them on the small end table he’d taken the liberty of using. She took comfort in the sight of clean-looking utensils, and left herself to fret. Whatever happened next depended on the skills of this complete stranger.


	2. Friends? The hell are those?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ignore Tifa boob jokes pls I was 18 when I wrote it and Zack's mind is 18 so... sorry

It was a couple hours of painful worrying before the man came to the doorway. He looked less than cheerful this time, though. Tifa sprung up, composed herself, and walked over to him. “Is he...?”

The man wrung his hands. “Well, I wasn't able to get all the bullets out. Some are just too deep, or they're in places that, if I messed with them, would probably kill him in no time. I didn't want to do anything without your approval.” he pursed his lips, thinking.

Tifa stared at him, unsure of what to say. He was the doctor, not her! But she didn't want the man to die. If would be all her fault, for not taking him to a hospital... But the man had told her not to, so what else could she do? “Is there anything else?” She decided it would be best to leave it up to the doctor.

The man put a finger to his lip and thought. “Well, if I had a Cure materia, it would make things a _lot_ easier... He might actually survive if I had that. You have any?” He looked at her expectantly.

Tifa frowned. She could get one, but it would cost a lot. She couldn't afford that _and_ the doctor's payment. If they needed anything right then, it was money. “I don't have one on me...”

“Oh, and don't worry about money! If you get me a Cure, then just give me that as payment. It helps me, because then I don't have to go out onto the streets to find one!” He smiled. “Does that make it easier?”

Tifa bit her lip, then nodded. “I'll get one. Please keep him alive...!” She turned and left him. She told Jessie and Biggs to hold down the fort, and to make sure Marlene stayed in bed, then she ran out into the streets.

She figured if she was going through all this trouble to save a man she barely knew, she might as well go all the way. So she put her thoughts of cost aside, and went to find a Cure. She might be able to find one on the street, but she was in a hurry. She knew there was a shop in Sector 5 that sold materia, and that would take a while, but that way it was almost guaranteed that she would get what she needed.

And so it was. The shop had two in stock, so she bought one and left. Her walk was uneventful, since she didn't stop for anything else, and she didn't bother paying attention to the goings-on around her. All she cared about was saving this one man. If she could save one person, who knew what else she could do? But it was also reversible—if she _couldn't_ save this man... then what else could she do? So she hurried back.

She pushed her way through the doors and found Jessie sleeping in one of the booths. Biggs looked over his shoulder from his seat at the bar. “Hey, I helped myself to your tap. Did you find it?” He probably had a talk with the good doctor about why his friend had run out the door so quickly.

Tifa nodded. “I got it. You guys can go home now, if you want! You don't have to stay.” She bit her lip, sorry that she was causing so much trouble.

Biggs smiled. “In a bit. Don't worry 'bout us, kay? Go help your friend in there.” He turned back to his drink without another word.

Tifa smiled gratefully, then made her way to the back room again. The doctor himself was slumped in a chair in the corner, snoring away. Tifa shook him awake.

“Daaaaahjabahaba... wha? Oh! Hi!” The doctor rubbed his eyes. “I must have dozed off. Did you get it?”

Tifa held out the Cure to him. She couldn't help but think this had better work, or there was going to be trouble.

The man got back to work. Usually people had to learn how to use materia, but this man looked quite able. He healed the wounds he had already taken bullets out of, then started to work on the ones where he hadn't. Tifa watched as he focused on one hole, and the green glow that seemed to envelop it. The doctor scowled in concentration, gradually pulling the bullet out magically and healing what was behind it simultaneously. Finally, it popped out and the doctor grabbed it, grinning.

“One down, about twenty to go!” He giggled, then started on another one.

Tifa turned and left. It was a little too much for her to look at. Bullets just popping out on their own? Such was the power of magic, apparently. Not to mention the man was riddled with holes... It was a marvel he was still alive. She went back to the bar, where Jessie and Biggs were just leaving. She said goodnight to them, and sat down to wait some more.

The doctor worked on into the early morning, and stopped only to ask for a sandwich. Tifa ended up falling asleep at the bar, and the doctor had to shake her awake. She rubbed her eyes and looked up at the doctor. In spite of the grin he wore on his face, he looked much worse for wear. It must have taken a lot out of him to heal that many wounds.

“Well, he's not dead yet. And I don't think he will be for a long time! Well, he might, but my point is, if he _does_ die, don't blame me. I did what I could for the man, which was a _lot._ So...” he rubbed the back of his neck. “I should be on my way, then?”

Tifa blinked. It was done? She could go in without freaking out now? “There's nothing more you can do?”

The doctor shook his head. “He's all healed up. If you're lucky, his body should get over the shock and he'll wake up today. If not, then later.” He laughed. “But yes, I should get going. Thank you so much for the opportunity! And if you ever require my services again...” He opened the doors to leave. “... you know where to find me.” He bowed, and left.

Tifa watched him leave, then smiled. Maybe everything would be alright after all. Saving one man was a nice start to ridding the world of evil, after all.

########

The first thing he noticed was his throbbing head.

He groaned. This was nothing new. What ditch had he fallen into this time? He must have passed out after hitting the ground a final time. He figured out which way was up, then motioned to push himself up. When his hands sank into something soft, his eyes shot open, looking around. Then he fell off the sofa he was lying on.

He hit the floor with a loud thud. He groaned again, then realized something. He wasn't in excruciating pain. He wasn't deathly exhausted. And he felt like he might be able to stand up properly, and maybe walk without dragging his feet.

Then he realized he was in someone's house.

He blinked. How the hell did he get there? The last thing he remembered was falling over in the dirt... oh wait. He fell multiple times. But the last time, he was definitely in Midgar. Right after he saw that huge pair of tits--

OH.

He scrambled up, tripping and almost falling back on his rear end, but he caught himself right before. He was in some girl's house. At least, that's what he deduced from the situation. Why was he in some girl's house? Why wasn't he in horrible pain? He thought for a moment, as he looked around the room more. It was sparsely furnished, with a sofa he'd just fallen out of, a couple end tables, a desk by the window, and a rug by the door. His Buster Sword was leaning against the desk in the corner. He sighed with relief. Whoever helped him (he was assuming someone had helped him, since he was no longer doubled over, ready to die) hadn't intended on stealing anything from him. Then he examined his poor blade. It was chipped and scratched all over from his numerous battles, and covered in dirt. Angeal was probably reprimanding him from the Lifestream right about now.

Then he noticed the voices outside the door. There was a low, indistinguishable murmured voice that was answered by a more powerful, definitely male, voice. They sounded like they were arguing. Zack didn't want to barge in on a sensitive situation, but he really wanted to get some answers. He carefully opened the door and slid out, not making a sound. He crept closer to the voices, eavesdropping...

########

“No, you're not getting' it, Tifa. What I'm askin' is, why the hell is there a SOLDIER in the back room!?”

Tifa tried to calm the man. “Barret, you'll wake Marlene--!”

Barret grunted in frustration, the muscles in his jaw rippling. He spoke in a slightly quieter tone. “Alright, why's there a SOLDIER in the back room? Ya know we can't have that!”

Tifa bit her thumb. “If I told you he was a friend, would you believe me?”

Barret frowned deeper. “Tha' depends on if you're lyin' or not. Why'd you be friends with a SOLDIER?”

Tifa wrung her hands, anxiously. “He helped me, back before I came here. He saved my life. I owe him at least this much.” She frowned at the floor, unable or unwilling to meet his gaze.

Barret visibly clenched his jaws tighter, thinking. “We can't afford ta have anyone ruin our plans--!” He raised his gun-arm all of a sudden, pointing it behind her.

Tifa gasped, then turned around. The man was standing there, hands raised to show that he was unarmed. He gulped.

“T-Tifa...?” He seemed unsure of himself.

Tifa knew that without a doubt, this was the man she thought he was. “Y-Yes--! You're okay...!” When the man didn't put his hands down, she turned around. “Barret, he's unarmed! He's not going to attack us.”

Barret grudgingly lowered his arm, not taking his eyes off the man for a second. Tifa turned back to the man, who lowered his arms warily. “How are you feeling?”

The man patted himself, as if reassuring himself that he was no longer full of holes. “I feel great! I mean, I've been better, but I'm a lot better than I was before...” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Did you help me...?”

Tifa nodded. “We found you at the train station. You looked... terrible.” She frowned, and looked away.

Barret grunted. “Imma let you folks chat while I go do stuff. If he causes any trouble, jus' holler!” He went out the doors.

The two stood, shifting awkwardly as they struggled to further the conversation. Tifa finally spoke up again. “I don't remember your name, I'm sorry.”

The man's eyes brightened. “Oh, it's Zack! Zack Fair.” He put out his hand instinctively, then looked down at his filthy gloves. “Oh, that's dirty.”

Tifa stifled a chuckle. “Would you like a shower...?”

Zack's gratitude shone on his face very clearly. “Yes, that would be amazing. Uh, we'll talk after?”

Tifa nodded. “You might ah, also want some new clothes.”

Zack looked down at his tattered, grungy shirt. “Oh, yeah. I can wear these until I get some...!” He fished through his pockets and pulled out a couple gil coins, his excitement waning. “Oh...”

Tifa just tried to keep his spirits up. _Yep, way as well go all the way._ “I'll get you some, don't worry! You can pay me back later.”

Zack looked like he might cry from the hospitality. No one had treated him like this in years. “Thank you so much, I owe you a ton of stuff, I promise I'll pay you back tenfold!”

Tifa cut him off before he rambled on. He hadn't changed in five whole years, it seemed. “It's okay, just go shower! It's upstairs on the left. I'll be back with some clothes, okay?”

Zack nodded. “Okay. Thank you so much, Tifa. Really.” He turned and went up the stairs, leaving Tifa alone.

Tifa smiled. So he was fine. That was great! Next step was to find out what had happened to him... and what his ties to Shinra were. He seemed like he could be trusted, but she couldn't help but worry a little. Here were so many things that could go wrong about her situation. But... there were also many things that could go right. She thought about these things as she went out the door.

########

Zack made his way to the bathroom and closed the door, the corners of his lips upturned slightly. After such a long time of feeling alone and discarded, it was almost alien that someone would lend him a helpinghand. He felt lighter, as if this simple act of good will was holding him up against the repressive forces of gravity itself—when really it just felt strange to not be so damn exhausted, and anxious, and—

He clenched his jaw, the genuine feeling of happiness slowly dissolving. It felt wrong to feel happy right now. It was just too soon. He didn't blame himself too much though, since he really was grateful. He'd forgotten what it felt like to have help, and... he didn't know if he could accept it. He didn't want anyone else caught up in his quest for vengeance. However he liked to color it—a revolution against tyranny, saving the world from pollution and corruption—it was just a color, a nice veneer painted ofer the top of it. In truth, ass he wanted was for Shinra to fall for what they'd taken from him. He'd tried to keep his head up, be optimistic and grateful for what he still had... but when they tool Cloud, it was the last straw. He was all out of forgiveness. He placed his hands on the counter and clenched his fists, head hanging. He tried to at least calm himself down enough to look nice for Tifa. She was the only friend he had, now.


	3. What Happened Five Years Ago

Tifa was true to her word, and she returned with new clothes she hoped would fit Zack. She set them by the bathroom door so he could grab them when he was done, then she waited.

He came out dressed in the knitted turtleneck and pants he was so accustomed to wearing, looking the picture of happiness. If she didn't know better, she would have thought nothing had changed since the first time she met him. His smile still melted away the anxiety and fear she held in her chest, and his almost puppy-like excitement touched her like so few things had over the years. It was good to see something familiar, something that had escaped the tragedy that Shinra had caused her.

But she couldn't help but think he was only hiding behind it. How else would he have ended up mortally wounded at the train station in the Sector 7 slums? She fought to keep a smile on her face as she talked with him. Now wasn't the time.

Barret had returned after a little while, and she had managed to talk him out of his bad mood. But it was clear he still didn't trust her old SOLDIER friend. She got him to agree to let him stay for dinner, at least. She would talk more later, and convince him that no, Zack is not a Shinra spy, and he should be able to stay. He left promptly though, to go get the rest of their team. So it was just Tifa, Marlene, and Zack at the bar. “Are you hungry? I made dinner.” She asked politely.

Zack looked like he might cry again. “Yes, please!”

Tifa went through the motions of introducing Marlene, Barret's four-year-old little girl and was glad when Zack hit it off with her easily. The girl was shy, but Zack was nice and seemed like he was good with children. She eavesdropped on their conversation while she set the table and put out food.

“Yep, I'm a SOLDIER! Well, an ex-SOLDIER, I guess. I'm not with them anymore.”

Marlene frowned, scrunching up her face. “SOLDIER are bad, they're with Shinra!”

Zack put his hands up in defense. “Y-Yeah, I know! But I'm not with them anymore. Promise.”

The girl was skeptical, even if she didn't know the meaning of the word. “Why did you leave?”

Zack's smile faltered for a moment, but he went on. “Well... I realized they weren't very nice. They did some bad things, and I didn't want to be a part of that anymore. So I came here! And Tifa helped me out.” He smiled.

Marlene seemed satisfied with that answer, and she softened up to the ex-SOLDIER. He really was nice, after all. Tifa glanced up occasionally, smiling to herself. He'd be okay. Barret would see soon enough.

Barret said he would be meeting her later, so he didn't join them for dinner. He'd be bringing Biggs, Jessie, an Wedge over for one of their meetings. He said they would deal with the SOLDIER at that time. Tifa tried not to let her nerves show and they ate, Marlene chattering away and Zack chattering right back.

He practically moaned when he took a bite of her cooking. “Mmm... Do you know how long it's been since I've had a home-cooked meal? Or even a cooked meal in general?”

Tifa shifted. “A long time, I'm guessing?” Nerves. Stop.

“Yeah, a long time!” He chowed down like it was his last meal. “This is _amazing,”_ he said with his mouth full. Marlene reprimanded him on his bad table manners, and he promised to stop.

It was easygoing without Barret around, and when they finished Zack offered to help clean up. When Tifa asked him if he was okay, he brushed her off, stating that he had truly never felt better. He helped wash dishes while Marlene instructed him on where they went.

Tifa put Marlene to bed, then came back down to see Zack sitting at the bar, nervously. He twiddled his thumbs until he glanced up and saw her. “Uh, hey.”

Tifa smiled nervously. “Hey. You want a drink?” She walked around the bar to make him something.

Zack's brow raised, and then he scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “I uh... I've never had alcohol before.”

Tifa raised an eyebrow. “Really? How old are you?” She remembered he was _definitely_ older than she was the last time they met.

“I'm only ei--” Zack frowned. “Wait... Um... I'm twenty-three.” He looked down at his hands again.

Tifa raised an eyebrow. “Um...?”

Zack sighed. “You... probably want an explanation.” His eyes glanced up, questioning.

“Yeah, I... Yes.” Tifa looked at her own hands, wringing them together in apprehension. This wasn't a topic either of them were excited to talk about, it seemed.

She looked up again when Zack let out a long breath and scratched his head awkwardly. “I... First, how did you get here? I mean, the last time I saw you...” He trailed off and looked down again.

She wasn't expecting him to ask any questions about _her_. She raised her eyebrow in surprise. “Oh! Um... I... Well...” she took a breath and let it out slowly. She hadn't ever really told anyone her story. She was afraid of what might happen, since Shinra covered up the entire disaster of her hometown. But Zack was part of it, so she figured it would be okay. It didn't make it any easier to dig up the memories she had fought to forget in the last five years. “I passed out after I... talked to you.” She vaguely remembered cursing him, along with everyone associated with Shinra, and she winced. “When I woke up I was in a hospital, here in Midgar. There was a note from my sensei, Zangan. He said he brought me here.” She looked down at her hands again. “I don't know where he is now.”

Zack looked worried. “But you're okay, right? I mean, you look okay. You look great! I-I mean--” He scratched the back of his neck again. “I mean you have a job. That's good.” He blushed. Where had his people skills gone all of a sudden!?

Tifa chuckled. “Yes, I got a job here, luckily. It was hard, but I knew I would have to work hard in order to survive. And the owner was very nice to me. He's been meaning to sell me this place for a year, now.” She smiled. It had been _extremely_ hard, but she had made it. She was proud of herself for pulling herself back up after what happened.

Zack gave a small smile of relief. “That's really great. I'm... I'm really glad you're okay. A lot of people didn't... make it out of there.” He looked down at his hands again.

Tifa frowned. It was his turn. She probed, tentatively. “What happened?”

Zack clenched his jaw. She didn't like seeing him like this, but she _had_ to know. “I... don't really know. One moment he was fine, and the next...” He paused, forcing his emotions down. “Sephiroth went insane. I'm pretty sure. I mean, he was spouting all kinds of weird stuff, and he wouldn't listen to anything I said. Then he burned everything.” He didn't look up.

Tifa bit the inside of her lip. The vision of her house burning in front of her was something she had tried so hard to forget. But she had decided that she couldn't forget where she came from. It was what drove her to fight so hard for what she had, and what she believed in. She spoke calmly and as reassuringly as possible. “Go on.”

Zack took a breath and let it out again. “I followed him to the reactor, and I found you... I-I thought you... I had to stop him. I could have at _least_ done that much.” He paused again. “But I couldn't. He was too strong. He beat me.”

Tifa frowned. “Wait... Then who beat him? Where did he go?” And how did Zack survive being attacked by _Sephiroth?_

Zack smiled, and scratched his head awkwardly and rested his hand on the back of his neck, propping himself on his elbows on the counter. “You're not gonna believe me.” He looked up, like he was proudly keeping a secret.

At least he looked more comfortable. She loved seeing his bright smile. “Well? Who was it?” She was eager, dammit! Who was the one who avenged her family, her village?

Zack smiled some more, then looked worried. “He uh... He told me not to tell you he was there.”

Tifa frowned in confusion. “Someone I know? Is he okay?? Who is he?”

Zack frowned. “He was embarrassed. He really didn't want you to know he was there.”

Tifa huffed in frustration. “Come on, you have to tell me! He's probably gotten over it by now!” There was _no_ way he was gonna skimp on the details now, no way.

Zack sighed, nervously. “Well...” he rested his arm on the counter. “The last time you spoke to him, he told you that the next time you two met, he would be in SOLDIER.”

Tifa frowned. The only person she'd said something like that to was... “Cloud...?”

Zack let out a breath. “Yeah.”

Tifa blinked, then her eyes shot open. “Really? Cloud was there?” She put her hand over her mouth in disbelief. “Why didn't he _say_ anything? I would have been so happy to see him! I haven't seen him in seven years!” Her gut clenched subconsciously—she was hurt. _Really_ hurt. When she found him, she'd give him an earful.

“W-Well, he was embarrassed!” Zack gave a helpless gesture with his hands. “He didn't want you to know he was there.”

“Why!? Why would he be embarrassed? I... I really missed him.” No, Tifa. Do not tear up right now you do _not_ need to do this right now.

Zack scratched his head again. “Well... You know that infantryman that kept you from going into the reactor?”

Tifa frowned again. “Yeah?” Then she made the connection. “Wait, that was _him?_ He didn't say a word--!”

Zack nodded. “Because he was embarrassed. He said he broke his promise, and he didn't want you to know.”

Tifa gave a little huff of melancholy. “We were _kids_... I don't care about that.” But she was surprised to know that Cloud didn't forget, at least. That was... really touching.

Zack's eyebrows crinkled together. “But... he did come back to save you. That part he got right, at least.”

Tifa frowned. He'd promised to come save her, whenever she was in a pinch. But he hadn't been there—or was he? “What do you mean?”

Zack looked sad, but proud. “He was the one who beat Sephiroth.”

Tifa frowned deeper. “How? He was just an infrantryman, and _you_ couldn't even beat Sephiroth!”

“Yeah, I know! But... It had to have been him. There was no one else...” He twiddled his thumbs a little. “I was almost unconscious when he ran up to me. I couldn't really talk, but he knew what happened. He was... really angry.” He looked up. “Then he ran into the reactor.”

Tifa was still frowning, confused. “Just like that?”

“Yeah, that's what I thought after. But he must have done it. I mean, he was _really_ strong for his size in the first place. He would have made a _wonderful_ SOLDIER. But...” He sighed. “He was too embarrassed to face you. He didn't get into SOLDIER because of the mako treatments we have to go through. He was intolerant. They made him really sick.”

Tifa frowned, suddenly understanding. “So, he tried. But he didn't get in?”

Zack nodded. “He tried. Harder than I've ever seen anyone try. He was heartbroken when he couldn't get in. He felt like a failure.”

Tifa felt a pang in her chest. Maybe she wouldn't give him such an earful when she met him again. “So, what happened? I mean, I haven't heard anything about the incident. I figured it was... covered up.” She frowned in distaste.

She looked up to see something else on Zack's face. It looked... dark. It unnerved her for a few seconds. He spoke quieter, more calmly. “Yeah. Shinra didn't want it getting out that their best SOLDIER had gone insane and murdered an entire village.” Tifa's chest tightened at the word 'murder'. “So they covered up everything. And... Cloud and I were wounded, so I guess they treated us... But they didn't want us to leave.” He looked down at his hands again.

Something had changed in him. Tifa could see it, and almost feel it. Ether that, or she had never seen this side to Zack. She wished she'd never had to, because it seemed wrong. Zack went on. “They put us in tubes, then left us at the mercy of their head scientist. I didn't wake up for four years.”

Tifa gasped. “Four _years?_ How—How could they do that?”

Zack shrugged. His face looked apathetic. It was unnerving. “We weren't people to them anymore. Just subjects. And when I broke us out of there, they sent the army after us. I had to drag Cloud with me, and run from them at the same time. And if _that_ wasn't enough, they sent the Turks, too.”

Tifa frowned. She'd heard of the Turks. They were fronted as expert information-gatherers, and their unofficial talents were in kidnapping and assassination. It was a miracle that Zack had managed to elude even _them_. “How did you escape them?”

Zack was still frowning. Tifa hoped she could get to the happy ending so she wouldn't have to see him like this anymore. “I dragged Cloud with me all over. There were other things, too, that were chasing us. Sephiroth wasn't the only SOLDIER that Shinra lost to insanity.” He paused. “We went to Banora, Gongaga... I was just trying to lose them. Somehow I made it onto a boat headed for this continent, and I headed for Midgar. I figured I could finally lose them here.”

Tifa's chest tightened. He had been through _so much_. What she had been through was _nothing_ compared to his story. At least she had gotten away. “And that's how you got here? You _walked?”_

Zack nodded. “Yep.” He still wouldn't look at her.

It was unbelievable. He was so determined to survive that he walked across two continents, dragging his friend behind him. But... why was he dragging Cloud? Her gut clenched at the though of him being incapacitated for that long. What had happened to him? And there was the yet-unspoken question—where was he now? “Why were you dragging him? Is he hurt?”

Zack winced. “The mako pods we were in... He was already intolerant. He was in a coma when I pulled him out, and he wouldn't wake up. But he didn't get worse, so...” He continued to frown at nothing, looking pained.

Tifa couldn't take it anymore. “... Where is he?”

Zack's frown deepened, and he winced. Tifa watched in apprehension as he rested his face in one hand. “... We were so close.”

Tifa held her breath as he let out a quivering sigh. He pulled his hand away from his face and set his jaw once again. “There's a huge wasteland outside the city. Nothing grows for miles... so we were in plain sight for a while.” He frowned deeply. “The army found us in no time. I ran into a huge bluff and tried to hide, but there wasn't anywhere to run.” He paused, taking another breath. “I figured it was the end... I hid Cloud where they wouldn't find him. Then I went to fight them.”

Tifa frowned. “The army? _All_ of them?” How did he even _survive_ that?

Zack nodded. “I figured if I could just keep them away from Cloud... Maybe they would forget about him, or something. They'd just finish me off and be done with it. And then he would wake up and be okay.” His voice broke at the end, and he hid his face in his hand again. “But it didn't work like that.” He pulled his hand away and looked up at her, his face tensed with emotion. Were his eyes watering? “I fought them for Gaia knows how long, I knew I couldn't win. And after a while, I fell. Shot too many times.” He looked down again, still tensed.

Tifa winced. He was getting upset because of her questioning, and she _hated_ the idea but she had to know. She had a terrible feeling that she was about to hear something awful, and she felt her throat tighten as she tried to speak. “That's how you got all those holes...” Her eyes were burning. She was scared to hear the rest.

Zack fought to control his shaky breathing. “I couldn't move anymore... All I could think was that I hoped Cloud would be okay.” He bit the inside of his bottom lip. “Then I heard him yell.”

Tifa gasped quietly. Cloud was awake? Her gut clenched, that couldn't be a good thing, she was about to hear something terrible—

“There was a soldier, he went right up to me and pointed his rifle in my face... Then Cloud did something... Grabbed someone, I don't really know. They were focused on him, then.” He sniffed. “I didn't see anything. I just kept thinking, no, no don't do that, you're safe if you just—” he broke off and put his face in his hands. He sobbed weakly. “Damn it—”

Tifa's heart hammered in her chest and she _knew_ what he was going to say but she _had_ to ask, to make sure. Maybe he wouldn't say what she thought he was going to, and everything would be okay, and— “What happened?” Her voice quivered.

Zack sniffed. “They shot him. I didn't see until after he was lying on the ground—I don't really remember anything after that.” His voice was thick and he fought to keep himself from completely breaking down. “The next thing I remember was all the bodies on the ground, and I think the rest of them ran away. I won.” He sniffed again. “I held him, until—I couldn't do anything else. He was so scared...” He stopped, then, and let himself sob a few times.

A sob escaped from between Tifa's fingers. She knew what he was going to say, but she'd hoped—really hoped that she was wrong. She held her hands over her mouth to muffle her cries as she struggled to keep herself upright. Her childhood friend was dead. Shinra killed him. He died afraid, and painfully, the only comfort being that he was in the hands of a friend. That didn't make the idea any easier to swallow, though. Cloud was dead. And it was all Shinra's fault. She cried for the loss of a boy she would never know, and the last person that tied her to her home.

After a few minutes she felt her tears ceasing, and her anger rising. They both hadn't said a word in between, dealing with their pain in their own ways. Tifa's only comfort was that she hadn't seen her friend in years, and the pain wasn't as sharp. It was just yet another person she knew she would never see again. But Zack... He and Cloud were friends. She could imagine how he was feeling right now, and she wouldn't wish it on anyone. Her anger boiled in her chest. “How could they do this? You were innocent, and fought Sephiroth—! You risked your lives to avenge my village, and Shinra covered it up! And tried to kill you after!?” Her breathing was hard, and harsh. She wanted to punch something.

Zack was silent again, his tears spent. “We were gonna be mercenaries,” he said in a quiet voice again. “We'd get to Midgar and finally be free, and we'd do whatever we wanted to do. If we didn't want to do a job, we wouldn't have to take it. No more killing innocent people, no more ruining peoples' lives...” He clenched his fist. “I was ready to just hide, live out my life peacefully like that. But that was before the took my best friend away. That was the last straw.”

Tifa clenched her fist, channeling her fury into action. There was literally nothing left of her childhood, not even the boy who'd left her so many years before. It gave her one more reason to do what she was about to do. “Do you still want to do that?”

Zack shrugged, apathetic again. “It's about all I can do. I mean, I have a lot of skills, but I probably wouldn't do well just getting a job somewhere.” He frowned, and sighed. “I... don't know what to do now.”

“You don't have a place to stay do you?” Tifa asked. She didn't know how to ask the next thing, so she was trying to work it in, somehow. It was a huge favor to ask, and she didn't want to mess it all up.

“Nope.” Zack was resting his head in his hands. He seemed calm again, at least.

“You can stay here, if you want. You'd probably have a hard time finding a place.”

“I can't forgive them.” He sounded like he hadn't heard her, at least not fully.

Tifa frowned. She hadn't known him for very long, but she just _knew_ he hadn't been like this before. He'd probably never had a vengeful thought in his life before just recently. How much had he lost in order for it to change him like this?

It was silent between them. He sat with his head in his hands while she stood there, holding her arms close to her body, absently. It seemed his feelings were still just as contagious as they had been before, though. She felt herself calming, but the silence was palpable.

Suddenly Zack sighed and ran his fingers through his hair “I'm sorry. I'll get a job or something.” He looked up, the sadness on his face replacing his fury. Now he felt like a burden. That was unacceptable.

“You could help us. Don't worry about living expenses or anything, we... we could use the help.” Tifa bit her lip. She supposed that was an acceptable way to open negotiations.

Zack frowned. “Uh... Help with what? If it's babysitting, I don't know if I'd be the best candidate—”

“Oh, no!” Tifa exclaimed, suddenly embarrassed. “No, I mean... Barret and I, we...” She sighed. “It's a little complicated, but from what you've told me, I hope you'll be interested.” She wrung her hands together, suddenly nervous.

Zack frowned and sat back, folding his arms skeptically. “What do you need help with?”

Tifa took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “We have a plan. Barret and I, and three of our friends.” She paused. This was it. Either he'd agree to help, or he'd refuse and say she was crazy. “We're going to stop Shinra. They're killing the Planet, and ruining countless innocent lives.”

Zack frowned deeper. “Stop Shinra? How?”

It wasn't a complete refusal—he seemed curious about the idea. That was a start! “We'll hit them where it hurts them most—their pockets. If we shut down the reactors, they'll be hurting for a while. Barret and the others will be over soon for a meeting.”

Zack furrowed his eyebrows and looked down with his lips parted slightly, deep in thought. Then the skeptical look gave way to confusion when he looked up. “You and a few of your friends are going to take down Shinra?”

Tifa nodded, determined. “Yes. And we need as much help as we can get. I'd like you to help.”

She watched as he stared back at her. A look of realization made him crack a hint of a smile and look away. “I was afraid I'd have to do it all on my own.”

Tifa's mouth parted in realization. He was thinking of going against Shinra all on his own!? Well—at least he was interested in the same thing! “Then, you'll help?” She may have sounded a little too enthusiastic. She was way too excited to be talking about eco-terror.

Zack looked up, determined. “Are you seriously asking me that? I'll do whatever you want.” He smirked. A hint of the old Zack was showing through. Maybe he was still in there after all, and he really hadn't changed that much. He'd just... matured. Maybe he would still be okay.

Tifa smiled. “Thank you, so much. Barret will be here soon, and I'll convince him to let you join. He'll understand once he knows how much Shinra has put you through.”

Zack smiled. “Alright. Let's do this!”

There he was. That was the Zack she remembered. Everything would be fine, she reminded herself with a smile. They waited, making conversation until Barret and his friends came back.


	4. Bombing Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's the 2019 chapter, all the others are from at least 5 years ago so hopefully I got better in that much time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: My god, it’s been so long since I updated that when I went back to read older chapters I forgot where that doctor dude came from. Which anime was it? I haven’t watched anime in years. Nothing is real. Nothing but the constant cry of the Zack-Lives-AU in the back of my mind, begging me to set aside my thesis in favor of happier, just-as-painful writing endeavors.
> 
> Anyway here’s an update after like 500 years ENJOY?? It’s 2019 and I’m still not done writing Zack Lives AUs.

“Of course I know AVALANCHE! They killed two of my friends!” Zack paced, fuming. “They took innocent people and  _ experimented _ on them to further their cause. They're just as bad as Shinra!”

Tifa had forgotten to mention the  _ name _ of their group, and it was going to take a little to calm Zack down. “Zack, we're different now, that was the old AVALANCHE! We don't—we haven't even done anything.” She pulled at her skirt hem nervously.

Barret growled. “This is exactly why I didn't want a SOLDIER with us! Shinra's always hated anyone in AVALANCHE, he's not even listening to us!”

“Oh yeah, and you're not judging me by my past at  _ all. _ I'm not with them anymore!” Zack glared.

Jessie spoke up from her box in the corner of the basement-hideout. “Can you two just stop? You both don't understand the whole story!”

Barret growled again in affirmation, and Zack grumbled before sitting back down on the sofa. Jessie went on. “Okay. We've established that Zack isn't a threat. He wants to  _ help,  _ Barret. Now, it's only fair that we explain everything to him.”

Wedge nodded. “Really, we're not the same organization that killed your friends. The last one... They're all gone, now.” He frowned.

“The last organization lost sight of their goals and became corrupt. We won't let that happen, this time.” Biggs stood with his arms folded, leaning against the wall next to Jessie.

Zack looked around at them, skeptical. “So no weird experiments to turn people into killing machines?”

Barret was outraged. “How the fuck you think we could do that, in this shithole of a hideout!?” Tifa scolded him on his language. “Sorry, but geez--!” He scrunched up his face in indignation.

“Alright, okay! So you're different. I get it.” Zack frowned. “But then... what happened to the old AVALANCHE? The last time I saw them was... a long time ago.”

Tifa bit her lip. “Eventually, we stopped hearing about them. There was a huge explosion a few months ago in one of the sectors, but we haven't heard anything about them since. We... figured they were gone.”

“So we took their name, and now we're gonna do their job right!” Jessie grinned.

Zack frowned still. “Aren't you worried that people will think you're the old group, still? They won't like you very much.”

“Nah, we've been getting' the publicity out, people know we ain't bad. If we were bad, they'd know.” Barret frowned, calmer than before. “We ain't gonna hurt no innocents, only Shinra!” He jabbed his finger into his thigh for emphasis.

Zack frowned, then sighed. “Okay. Okay, I get it. So we're totally different, and we're only gonna take out Shinra, and we're gonna do so by  _ not _ hurting anyone.”

“Only the ones who stand in our way.” Barret scowled defiantly.

Zack frowned. “I guess... there are gonna be people trying to stop us. We can't do much about them. But they're just following orders. Can we try not to hurt them?”

“They're definitely gonna get hurt if they up against us! We don' have the time, nor the  _ luxury _ of bein' merciful to those bastards!”

“It isn't their fault, they're innocent--”

“Okay, okay!” Tifa fumed in between them. “No more shouting, Marlene is trying to sleep. And you're giving me a headache.”

Zack looked ashamed, but defiant to the end. Barret grumbled. “We can try. But they ain't gonna do the same for us. If we give them a chance to take us out, they will! We can't afford to take that kinda risk.”

Zack let out a puff of air through his nose. “But we're gonna try, right?”

“You can do that, mister SOLDIER-boy.” Barret sneered at him.

“We'll  _ all _ try, as much as we can. That's really all we can do.” Jessie piped in, mostly to avoid another argument. “We can only do what we can. And if we can't save someone... then we can't. Just think of all the people Shinra will hurt if we  _ don't _ do this.” Biggs nodded next to her.

The room was quiet as the members considered this. Zack frowned, then sighed. “Okay. So what's the plan?”

########

A bomb. Zack hated the idea, but he couldn't think of anything else. The others had made good points... They were going during the night shift at the Sector 1 reactor, to avoid the most casualties. And if they could, they'd warn the workers somehow, get everyone to evacuate. But until they were inside the reactor, they had no way of knowing how it was going to work. Zack was the only one who had been inside one, after all. His fingers twitched, ready for action.

The rest of the infiltration was kind of a blur. They navigated the deep parts of the reactor where staff or patrols rarely went, so they only had weird mako-mutated monsters to worry about. Biggs and Wedge stayed closer to the entrance while Zack, Barret and Jessie made their way down to the center of the reactor. Zack followed Jessie across a narrow beam on the wall of one of the rooms, being careful not to trip on the crumbling side structures and fall into the machinery and piping below. The reactors looked maintained from the outside, but the inside had some serious structural integrity issues and AVALANCHE was ready to exploit.

Zack dispatched some weird humanoid monsters (were they human at one point? From the horrible things he’d seen Shinra do over the years, he had to wonder) and finally followed Barret to where they stopped in front of a huge cylinder with a pressure valve on the side. Zack didn’t know what it was, but Jessie had said it was the best place for the initial explosion so that’s where they were putting it.

Barret had gone on about how Shinra was sucking the life out of the Planet and how it was just a matter of time before nothing was left, and now he was going on about how the reactor wasn’t going to be anything more than a hunk of junk after the meltdown, and Zack was pulled out of his head by Barret offering him the bomb.

For him to arm.

Zack blinked, then glared. Barret said something about wanting to make sure Zack didn’t pull anything. Right.

He knelt down to place the bomb below the valve, and suddenly his head was full of static. A harsh ringing filled the space between his ears and toppled his sense of balance. His thoughts seemed out of control as he suddenly heard inside his own mind,  _ Watch out! This isn’t just a reactor! _

Then as soon as it came, the feeling was gone. The static left, and Zack blinked as his vision cleared, and he saw his hand outstretched towards the bomb. Barret was talking to him. He blinked again. “What?”

“What’s wrong, Zack? Hurry it up!”

Zack shook his head again, clearing his thoughts. Was the pressure getting to him?

Then the bomb was set, immediately followed by a blaring klaxon somehow signalling their infiltration and sending a huge security robot to dispatch them. The whole last ten minutes of the mission went by in a haze as AVALANCHE barely escaped the reactor’s blast with their lives—and in Wedge’s case, with his trousers.

The blast was much larger than they had calculated it would be. Jessie was noticeably distraught as they all convened outside the blast zone, Barret quickly dispersing them so that they wouldn’t be caught. They’d meet back at the 7th Heaven to debrief and discuss their next move. Until then, Zack had to make his way through the terrified populace and rampaging security forces without being seen--

He nearly ran into her.

As he looked around the corner of a building into the Sector 8 square, he saw a man rush by in front of him and slam into a girl in a pink dress, knocking her onto her rump. She cried out, dropping her basket of flowers and scattering them, but doing nothing to reprimand the man. She looked scared. There was smoke and bits of debris in the air and people running around crashing into each other, and Aerith was scared and alone.

Zack turned around and ran the other way, terrified that she might have seen him.

His heart hammered in his chest, but his enhanced SOLDIER hearing didn’t pick up her voice calling to him. She must not have seen him. Still, the guilt wrapped around his heart and squeezed, begging for him to go back and help her while terror and shame drove him further and further away. He knew that he’d have to face her one day, but so much had happened recently that he’d pushed all of his guilt-ridden thoughts of her away. He had been so ready to see her just a few months ago, ready to grovel and beg. But then…

So much had happened. How could he explain it to her when he was having trouble explaining it to himself?

He told himself she’d be just fine, that she was strong and could get home safely. She would be fine, as she had been all these years without him… He made his way towards the Sector 7 train station and tried to put it out of his mind. Again.

########

He should have expected security to be watching the station, so he could have at least avoided killing about seven more of them before leaping onto the train below. At least they hadn’t sent SOLDIER out; that would have been bad for his whole cover of “being dead” and all. He didn’t want that revealed until he was inside Shinra HQ, holding his blade to the president’s throat.

Was that what he really wanted to do? They were already going for the reactors—the direct source of the Planet’s coming demise—but they weren’t doing anything about the corrupt and evil leadership that made the  _ decisions _ that caused this. The only people they ever encountered were poor saps just following orders, scared about their family’s fate or their next paycheck. There was no way he would feel at peace until the man in charge of ruining his life and so many others was out of commission.

He’d only met President Shinra a few times, but he’d always had an uncomfortable feeling around the man. Zack hadn’t put much thought into it during the time he worked for Shinra, but he’d always expected the worst from the President. He never cared about the lives of his employees, and he made rash decisions that had permanent consequences without a second thought. Zack had simply accepted that the President of a company would always be like that, no matter who it was, and that it wasn’t his duty to object. He just tried to do the right thing, no matter what his orders were. He killed for the company, telling himself that Wutaian troops would die no matter if he killed them or not, so he may as well end the battle as soon as possible. He fought Angeal, telling himself that the President’s orders to kill him on sight were secondary to Angeal being a troubled man in league with a deranged lunatic. He cut down AVALANCHE troops, brainwashed into following a corrupt scientist, because his President had ordered him to. Everything he had done for the company had been justified, he told himself. And he’d never argued that maybe, just  _ maybe _ the President could have put a little more thought and consideration into his orders before giving them.

He hadn’t even had a chance to object before his President swept him under the rug because of an inconvenience. He didn’t realize the true evil of Shinra until he woke up in a freaking  _ laboratory _ and realized the extent of the President’s disregard for human life. He’d served Shinra since he was fourteen, and he’d been rewarded with an army tracking him to the edge of a cliff and shooting his best friend dead. But those troops thought he was a dangerous specimen, escaped from a lab, and he showed them just how dangerous he was. They didn’t have all of the information, or the liberty of refusing their orders. The man that had allowed this all to happen had all the power to prevent it, and he had done nothing.

So yeah. He did want the president dead, he supposed. And the best way to ensure that would be to stay hidden as long as possible. He had to stay away from other SOLDIER, and hope none of Cloud’s old friends from the army didn’t recognize him. If he hadn’t already killed them all.

He clenched his teeth. He was doing his best. He tried not to kill anyone innocent, and that was the best he could do, just like Jessie had said. He reached down and unclipped the train’s door, throwing it open and swinging inside before they went through another tunnel.

His boots clanged against the floor of the train, and he heard multiple gasps as his AVALANCHE comrades jumped at his entrance. “Zack!?” everyone except for Barret cried.

He shut the door behind him, banishing his dark thoughts in favor of his more amicable front. He shrugged nonchalantly. “What? You guys shouldn’t all be in the same car, you know.”

Barret raged, as usual. “There’s only one train, asshole! We all gotta get on here, so when you didn’t... You come in here, makin’ a big scene… You’re late!”

Zack raised an eyebrow. “Uh, sorry? The train was moving, I  _ had _ to bust a cool move to get inside.”

Barret fumed. “You little—There were gunshots right outside! Havin’ everyone worried like that, you don’t give a damn ‘bout no one but yourself!”

Zack shook his head, bewildered. “ _ You _ were worried about me?” He looked to Jessie, who blushed at his gaze. “I told you, I’m a SOLDIER, First Class. No one’s gonna take me down but another First, and there are none.”

Barret pushed himself off the wall of the train, growling. “Cocky little spikey-haired shit. Wake up! We’re movin’ out. Follow me!” He headed towards the front of the cargo car, into the next, without another word.

The other three at least seemed happier to see him. That made the ride down into the slums less uncomfortable, and took his mind off of the dark thoughts that kept surfacing. Jessie talked at him about trains, since he’d never had the need to use them while he’d lived in Midgar, and Barret raved some more about how the “damned Pizza” was the worst design ever. Zack couldn’t disagree with him—it was pretty bad. Complicated, and just bad.

They reached the Sector 7 Slums and everyone dispersed. Zack didn’t really know why, since half of the slums knew about the AVALANCHE meeting place, but he did as Barret asked to avoid more of his ill-placed wrath.

They planned the next mission—blow the Sector 5 reactor. Zack managed to avoid Barret’s ire, though he was pretty quiet. The tone up in the bar was celebratory, but down in the meeting room it was solemn and tense. He didn’t have anything to say that didn’t bring back those dark feelings he was trying to keep secret. Jessie was wrecked by the power her last bomb had, and she vowed to make the next one smaller. None of them were innocent, but they’d all accepted that to ensure a better future. They dispersed, and they went to sleep.

* * *

About a week later, they were prepared. Jessie had her altered bomb—hopefully of the desired strength this time—and Tifa announced that she was going this time, too. Zack didn’t doubt Tifa’s skills for a second, but that meant leaving Marlene alone in the bar. Barret and Tifa trusted the people of the slums, and Zack knew they all looked out for each other, but he didn’t like leaving a little girl by herself with only a locked door between her and whatever could happen.

Marlene herself saluted him, stating that she would protect the bar while they were gone, and he felt a little better. Not many things could scare that girl. Besides, if anyone stormed the place, they wouldn’t be after a little girl. Marlene would be okay.

His bigger problem was the looks Tifa kept giving him, like she wanted to say something. It wasn’t exactly a good time to talk, so she must be waiting for later or something. He made a note to talk to her soon. Zack set out on his second mission against Shinra, determined eyes clearing a path in front of him. The dear President must be waiting for them to strike again, and Zack aimed to deliver.


End file.
